The Story Of

Nevada Bird

Nevada Bird is just nobody. I lost touch with society. I quit my last job a month before the pandemic started. A year later, my partner’s health was deteriorating. My role suddenly reversed from a spoiled brat to a caregiver 24/7 for my sweet heart. I wasn’t well-prepared. I didn’t get any training for becoming a caregiver. I just went along for whatever the direction is pointing at. Whenever every little incident happened, I adapted and learned from it.

I didn’t think or plan ahead to do anything. For example, there was one time, well, multiple times, he lost his balance and fell on the carpet floor. It was then that I understood the need to get him a walker. Realizing he couldn’t enter the bathtub, it became clear that I needed to install grab bars. I was too darn slow at that time.

During the quiet moment, the tears welled up in my eyes nearly every day or night. My partner passed away a few days before Christmas in 2022. To be honest, I’ve been constantly worried and cried every single day since year 2006. Why? Because I loved him. Everyday when I watched him getting older and older, I felt insecured, that someday he will leave me behind. Even these days, I am still grieving from time to time.

On the other hand, my conscious keeps telling me, maybe I didn’t do well as a caregiver. The pressure of guilt and regret is getting heavier. It makes me want to grasp for some air. That’s how I realized that I have to do something about it.

I wrote this self-help guide book out of remorse. In memory of him, I want to dedicate my first book to my partner, if my book ever get released. The first eight months after my partner’s gone, I’ve done nothing. Except, do-it-yourself home project to keep my mind occupied. Then, I started to take some online courses, like publishing and affiliate marketing. Gradually, I’m starting to like the writing. It has become my new hobby now. I suppose It is also my way of coping.

Nonetheless, things didn’t go well in real life. I thought my book should be done by now, but it wasn’t. Every path I took seemed to show me new challenges.

My life feels incomplete, like a circle that never closes. Unfortunately, a series of unfortunate events seems to be trailing me. My savings were dwindling. I began looking for something that help me stay solvent. I’m trying to keep my head above the water.

One day, I saw an ad online, that said to work from home. I took my chance, instead, I took the bait.  It turned out to be a fake company with a big name. I was told it was meant to be a simple job. Looking at some products, then give reviews and earn commissions. The recruiter has never mentioned about the commissions was paid in crypto, before I agreed to take this job.

Days after days, the more products I have reviewed, more deposit I had to made. Strange, right? Why did i had to pay for the products while I was reviewing it? It seems like I was not only reviewing the products. If I gave a good review, I had to buy it. And I had to buy them in BUNDLES! Not just a single piece of product.

I was naive and anxious at that time, didnt know what to do. I just followed instructions from my trainer. My trainer reassured me that I will get the money back for whatever I have paid. She also said I will get my bonus and commissions. I needed the money, so I didn’t think twice. Kept making deposit like moving from one bank to another til they dried out my entire savings. In the end, I couldn’t get my earnings because I was not familiar with this crypto transactions. I couldn’t get a hold from my trainer. Couple days later, the company’s website was gone.

I didn’t file a report to the bank nor the police because I don’t even know how to explain it. Weeks later, I couldn’t get access to online banking. My survivor pension was direct deposited to that bank. I have no idea how to talk to the bank manager to regain access to the online banking. As I mentioned earlier, I lost touch with society, I stayed indoor at home for five years now. Still, trying to figure out how to make a living online.  

My partner was my rock, the head of the house. He looked after me and took good care of me. I didn’t have to worry a single thing in general as he was the head of the household. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I did contribute my part for the house… I handled tasks he didn’t like to do. These included doing the dishes, laundry, and house cleaning.

Tell you a secret, sometimes, he can make a big mess in the kitchen. Here is how he coooked: He will ask me to turn on the TV for CNN news first. His body gesture was relaxed, always humming a tune while he was cooking. Perhaps, a little dance. That’s how he left a trail of dripping sauce from the frying pan. He was whipping up a culinary masterpiece. I smiled, wondering what delicious disaster he was about to create… Guess I still can be useful somehow by cleaning up his mess. I had no idea how lucky I was when he was around. 

Everything is a big change for me. I was born and raised in Malaysia under the same roof with my family. Then I moved to Canada and be with my partner since 2001. For the past 47 years, I never lived independently. I lost my savings, and I am living off from my credit cards. I was despair, in a dark place. I even tried to end my life. Luckily, I didn’t take enough dose of sleeping pills. Felt dizzy and sleepy for four days and nights, then back from the moon. Somehow, miraculously God doesn’t want me just yet. I survived! 

A good friend of mine was extremely concerned about me. He knew loneliness and sorrow hurt very badly. He, too, had lost someone.

As for my financial situation, he recommended that I rent out the master bedroom at my house. I was hesitant to do so. Upon much consideration, I decided that I really needed a supplementary income. I needed it as early as possible.

The first assignment was the most challenging one for me to begin. The bedroom remained exactly as it was when my partner left. Packing his things up felt like erasing part of us. We once shared the happiest life together. Every item of furniture we had in our master bedroom seemed to remove memories spent in this room. Each piece felt like a loss. What can I say? I am a very sentimental and emotional man.

Then, I started to plan for my first career. I laid out my new business model. I did some research. I started my hobby again—writing. I resumed my book writing in January 2024. For the past months I kept blaming myself for not doing a great job as a caregiver. I started to think back. What should I have done to be a better caregiver?

Every research I read, I hate myself for not doing those things that I was supposed to do. Every words I write for my book, it hurts me. I guess that’s why I couldn’t finish my book on time. Whenever I have a writer block, I do something else. I started making the scripts for my YouTube video channel. I also compose social media posts. I design my own website. And I promote and do my marketing just for the sake of my book being released.

To be honest, without OpenAI’s Chat GPT help, I wouldn’t even dream about publishing an English book. English is my second language. This is real and raw writing from my own words. But, still with little help from AI again just for my grammar check.

Please sign up and join the club. The first 20 people who sign up between August 30, 2024 and September 16, 2024 will get a free copy. And for those who didn’t get a free copy, you will get first hand access. You will have access to the new release of my book. You will have access before it is officially released on Amazon Kindle. If you like my book, or even if you dislike it, please give your precious feedback and reviews on Amazon.

I thank you for your kind support by purchasing my book through Amazon Kindle. As my partner used to say: “Thanks a million!”