HotVibes Column

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other relevant articles about a roadmap to navigate caregiving for same-sex couples in intergenerational relationships.

Must-Have Bathroom Gadgets: Ensuring Safety For Your Aging Loved Ones

(Simple Act Of Love Series)

written by: Nevada Bird

As the years have gone by, I’ve watched some parents’ children grow up and eventually leave home. With each passing year, I’ve gained a bit more wisdom and experience. For my partner and me, seeing each other age has been a mix of sweet and bittersweet moments. It’s a constant reminder of just how precious life is. Change is an inevitable part of our journey together.

As people age, their mobility often becomes unstable due to balance problems and muscle weakness. Safety is something I constantly think about. Why didn’t I spend more time researching essential safety gadgets for my beloved partner before he passed away? Was it because his constant need for attention distracted me? Or was it the stress clouding my mind without me even realizing it? There were so many things I could have done; why didn’t I act on them?

Consider some crucial information. Act now to avoid guilt and regret. Planning ahead can save one from carrying burdens of remorse throughout life—I say these words out of personal experience.

My apologies if the introduction seemed overly dramatic; let us return to our main topic now.

Personally, I’m a frequent Amazon shopper because of its vast selection. It’s truly a one-stop shop, which is why I love using it. Leveraging my experience as a caregiver, I joined Amazon Associates. I recommend products that be best suited for both you and your aging partner’s needs.

Most healthy adults do not give bathroom safety a second thought. They visit it an average of six to eight times a day. It can show a hidden danger for our aging loved ones.

Imagine the worry of hearing a fall at home! To prevent this, let’s make your bathroom a safe haven. By making a few simple adjustments, we can significantly improve their independence and peace of mind.

Lighting the Way: For More Visibility

Imagine trying to navigate in a room with insufficient light and blurry vision. Does your bathroom’s lighting adequately illuminate all areas, specifically around the shower, tub, toilet, and sink? You want to think about using brighter bulbs or introducing nightlights close to these crucial areas. Motion-activated night lights be beneficial as well, obviating the need to search for switches blindly.

Enhance Your Safety Measures: The Importance Of Grab Bars

Grab bars are vital safety features in the bathroom. Install the grab bars securely near the shower entrance, within or inside the tub, and next to the toilet. Consider installing grab bars for added stability during activities like brushing teeth, dressing, or while standing for other tasks (the latter point is specific to males). They also offer assistance in both rising and lowering. I’ll leave it to your imagination).

Ensuring Floor Safety: The Necessity Of Non-Slip Materials

Wet tile floors can become dangerously slippery. Hence, bath mats with a textured, non-slip surface are necessary for safety reasons. I suggest opting for bath mat equipped with secure backing designed to grip onto floors firmly. Alternatively, using double-sided tape can also serve as a method of securing these bath mats effectively. As for inside the bathtub, I recommend this shower mat non-slip with 137 bubble massage points and a foot scrubber to scrub, massage, and promote blood circulation on your feet.

Showering With Confidence: A Handheld Sprayer Makes a Difference

A handheld shower sprayer directs the flow of water where you want it to go. This makes it easy to control the temperature of the water and get a good rinse. Furthermore, it helps to move around easily. It also lowers the risk of falling when reaching for a tap that is far away.

Seating Solutions: Consider A Shower Chair

Standing for long periods of time can be tiring, especially in the shower. Have you considered a shower chair? Choose a shower chair with cushion and sturdy legs, a comfortable seat, and, ideally, armrests for additional support. Opt for a chair with drainage holes to prevent water buildup and potential mildew growth.

A King’s Throne: Toilet Seat Riser With Handles

For those with weak leg muscles, this toilet seat riser with handles can help make it easier to get up and down. The seat is 4.5 inches high and the width is adjustable from 24.8 to 26.8 inches. The four legs provide stability, minimizing the risk of accidents or falls. This design allows for a more effortless and comfortable experience when using the toilet.

Transferring With Ease: Save Time And Energy

People can transfer from bed to the bathroom using an electric lift and transfer wheelchair. This can be beneficial for both caregivers and the elderly. It can be tiring to lift someone up and down.

Although the chairs can be expensive, Amazon offers easy monthly payment options. It is a good idea to consider this option for yourself or your aging partner.

To use the chair, the person simply sits up in bed. Next, the person brings the chair in and opens the gates. The person then tilts their body and allows one half of the seat to slide underneath them. The other half of the seat undergoes the same process. The gates close and lock once the person sits in the seat. Then, they can transfer the person from the bed to the bathroom.

Effortless Bathtub Exit: The Simple Push-Button Solution

Discover a luxurious addition to your bathroom that’s also available with monthly payments from Amazon. The bathtub electric chair lift effortlessly raises and lowers at the touch of a button, preventing the strain and pain of manually lifting a loved one. Say goodbye to backaches and fatigue for both of you, and welcome to a relaxing bath experience.

Shower Caddy Tips: Keep Essentials Close

A shower caddy can help you keep your essential toiletries organized and within reach, so you don’t have to reach for them on distant shelves. This can help you avoid losing your balance while navigating in the shower. When choosing a shower caddy, look for one that hangs securely or mounts on the shower wall for easy access.

Banishing The Bathtub: Consider A Walk-In Shower

If getting into your bathtub is hard, you can turn it into a walk-in shower. This would make it easier to get in and out and would reduce the risk of falling. Talk to a contractor about how to do this.

Maintaining Grip: Grab Bar Suction Power—A Lesser-Known Secret

Suction grab bars are a convenient and inexpensive choice, but their grip strength deteriorates over time. Here’s a simple way to maintain suction power: clean the suction cups regularly with warm water and a mild soap. This eliminates debris and soap scum, which can disrupt their grip. And then, apply vaseline around the edge of each suction cup in order to seal the airflow.

Communication Is Key: Talk To Your Partner And Healthcare Professional

Open communication is crucial. Discuss any difficulties your partner might be experiencing in the bathroom and involve them in the decision-making process. Consult your healthcare professional for personalized safety recommendations specific to your partner.

Affiliate Disclosure:

This article contains affiliate links, so I may earn a small commission if you purchase a product or service after clicking on a link. This is at no additional cost to you.

I only recommend products or services that I have used and/or believe in. And I appreciate your support of my work through your purchases by using these links.

September 13, 2024
Love In The Records – Part 2

Love In The Records (Part II: David & I)

written by: Nevada Bird

A gay couple in the records store

Love finds you in unexpected places and at unexpected times. For me, it found me surrounded by old vinyl records from the neighborhood record store.

David, with his kind eyes and a smile that could melt glaciers, was everything I wasn’t—older, wiser, and possessing a calmness that drew me in like a moth to a flame.

Our love story unfolded over countless cups of coffee and shared vinyl finds. We navigated the age gap with laughter and understanding. But as time, like a skipping record, began to repeat itself, David’s health declined.

Suddenly, I found myself transitioning from lover to caregiver. Doctor appointments and medication schedules replaced the carefree days of record shopping.

It was during this time that I realized the importance of having a centralized record of David’s medical history.

A personal health record keeper saved us.

It wasn’t just a book; it was a symbol of our love.

We kept all his medical information in one place: allergies, medications, and past procedures. In this way, we could always locate the necessary paperwork quickly and efficiently during emergencies.

It wasn’t always sunshine and roses. Caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint.

But looking back, the moments of quiet intimacy eclipsed the challenges—shared breakfasts, stolen kisses, and reminiscing about our love story soundtracks’d by the crackle of old vinyl.

David is gone now, but his memory and the love we shared live on. And so does the invaluable health record keeper who helped us navigate his care.

It’s a reminder that love isn’t always grand gestures; sometimes, it’s the little things, like keeping a well-organized health record, that speak volumes.

In a world filled with uncertainties, a personal health record keeper can be a source of comfort and peace of mind. It’s a promise you make to yourself and your loved ones—a promise of care, of preparedness, and of love made tangible.

Disclaimer: This story/article contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase through these links, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support!

August 6, 2024
The Caregiver’s Promise

Love In The Records (Part IV/Finale: Kevin & Benedict)

written by: Nevada Bird

I still vividly recall the first time I laid eyes on him, the man who would transform my life in ways I never imagined.

It was an ordinary day at the restaurant where I worked as a server, and he was a familiar face, a loyal customer who came in at the same hour every day, regardless of the weather.

Then one day, he surprised me by leaving a note on the back of the check. I acted startled, nearly dropping my tray in surprise.

Along with his usual generous tip, there was a phone number scrawled on the back of the receipt. I carefully folded the check and tucked it into my apron, feeling a warm sense of excitement as I left work that day.

I could hardly wait to get home, wrestling with the decision of whether or not to call him. After a couple of hours, I finally mustered the courage and dialed the number from the note.

That evening turned out to be absolutely incredible, etching itself into my memory as one of the most unforgettable nights of my life.

As I stepped into the hotel resort, I was greeted by an exquisite display of lights that left me in awe. Our first dinner was at the five-star restaurant overlooking the ocean, and he even arranged for a hotel room.

Everything with him unfolded at lightning speed: a dinner date, a stroll along the sandy beach under the stars, and our first night together in a hotel room; it felt like a beautiful dream I never wanted to wake up from.

Just a week later, after our enchanting time together, he proposed that I move in with him. Without hesitation, I agreed. Ever since, I’ve been by his side, and we’ve built a joyful life together.

However, our 35-year age gap has lingered in my mind, making me anxious about what life might be like without him.

I want to ensure he remains healthy and vibrant for as long as possible, which is why I decided to delve into caregiving and begin training in that area.

As I was browsing, I decided to shop for a caregiver guide through the Amazon app on my tablet when I stumbled upon a book that caught my attention: a ‘‘My Health Record’.’ I grabbed a copy right away.

A couple of days later, I found this book not only allows me to document the health history of my partner’s family members, but it also provides space for information about doctors, specialists, and appointments for vision and dental care.

I’ve noted visits to various clinics, scheduled appointments with an ear specialist, and the process of obtaining a hearing aid.

Flipping through the pages brings back memories—recording the days he had to go to the emergency room, recounting hospital visits, detailing medications and supplements, and keeping track of any side effects.

Each entry feels like a chapter in a memoir of our love as I prepare for the final phase of his life. Although he’s gone now, I remember fondly his words just before his last hospital admission: “You are my china in the whole world!”

He would often say that when he was lucid, expressing how well I cared for him and the deep love he felt for me. I take pride in knowing that we had always looked after one another throughout our lives.

Watching him slowly fade away shattered my heart. On his last day in the hospital, a compassionate nurse suggested I go home and rest, so I did.

First thing I did when I arrived home. I went straight to my bathroom.

During the shower, the weight that had been pressing down in my heart suddenly lifted, and tears began to flow uncontrollably. I curled up under the cascading water, sobbing and gasping for breath as the grief poured out of me.

Three hours later, the hospital called for me to return. When I arrived, I found the love of my life lying peacefully on the hospital bed. I stood there in silence, my mind going blank as if the entire world had crumbled around me.

I gathered his belongings and placed a tender kiss on his forehead before leaving. I didn’t linger; returning home through the pouring rain, I finally let the tears come.

I drove in anguish, shouting and crying—the most excruciating night of my life. I felt restless and unable to find solace as I struggled with my grief…

The next day, a kind neighbor offered her condolences, and as I shared my pain, I confessed that I hadn’t been there for him when he was dying.

In response, she offered a comforting thought: “Perhaps he was holding on, waiting for you to let go of your sadness. Now he can truly be at peace.”

A year later, I woke one night, still holding the ‘My Health Record’ I had fallen asleep with. I wondered if it was finally time to let go.

I lit the fireplace and tossed the record into the flames, watching as it transformed into ashes.

Standing up, I resolved to move forward into the unknown. I would continue on until I discovered a new reason to live and a path to happiness once more.

Disclaimer: This story/article contains affiliate links. If you purchase through these links, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support!

August 6, 2024
Love In The Records – Part 3

Love In The Records (Part III: Alishia & Susan)

written by : Nevada Bird

Lesbian couples by the fountain

I saw her across a crowded cafe. Our eyes met. I knew instantly that a nervous flutter was in my chest. Her silver hair shimmered, and her smile stopped my heart. Little did I know this chance encounter would rewrite my destiny.

Books and coffee fueled our friendship. But with each stolen glance, affection blossomed. I fell for her deeply, and she reciprocated. I found myself falling for her hard and fast. And she felt the same way too.

Age didn’t matter. Our love is undeniable. We were both women. We became a couple, navigating life’s joys and challenges hand-in-hand.

Laughter filled our days. But time, a relentless thief, stole her memories. Keys disappeared; appointments were forgotten. Fear gnawed at me, but I held on to hope.

I looked up information on the internet and felt a strange, uneasy feeling in my stomach. A doctor’s appointment is coming up. On Amazon, a logbook for caregivers caught my eye: Alzheimer’s and Dementia Daily Record for Caregivers. Perfect timing, I thought, was a lifeline for the journey ahead.

The doctor confirmed, heartbroken. The news hammered us: Alzheimer’s. My heart shattered, each memory a precious treasure fading. But despair wouldn’t win. I’d be her rock, her caregiver, and her unwavering support.

A health record became our lifeline. It kept us organized—medications, appointments, medical history—all meticulously documented. Her profile, insurance, and family records are a fortress against the unknown.

Days were spent meticulously recording symptoms, treatments, and medications. A daunting task, fueled by unwavering love. For her, for us.

Our love, though tested, remained steadfast. Through dark nights, I held her hand, whispering love and unwavering support. A promise echoed in my heart: to be there, always.

Ours wasn’t a fairytale. It was messy, heartbreaking, and tear-stained. But laughter, joy, and moments of pure bliss illuminated the path. Through it all, we were an anchor for each other.

Looking back, love conquers all. The journey wasn’t easy, but its worth is immeasurable. As I hold her fragile hand, a silent vow fills the air: to love, to care, and to cherish every precious moment.

For love, in all its forms, is the ultimate truth. Our story is a testament to that truth. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Disclaimer: This story/article contains affiliate links. If you purchase through these links, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support!

August 6, 2024
Love In The Records – Part 1

Love In The Records (Part I: Emily & Tom)

written by: Nevada Bird

A couple reading a personal health record

Emily is a devoted lover who found love in an older man named Tom, despite their 20-year age gap. Their love knows no bounds, and they are inseparable.

However, one fateful day, Emily returns from a short trip and finds Tom missing from their home. Just as she begins to panic, the phone rings, and it’s Tom on the other end.

He informs her that he is in the emergency room and asks her to pick him up.

Shocked and worried, Emily rushes to the hospital to find Tom waiting for her. It turns out he had a minor accident and needed medical attention.

This incident shakes Emily to the core, and she realizes the importance of being prepared and trained to handle such situations in the future.

Determined to take care of Tom and prevent any such incidents from happening again, Emily decides to enroll in an online course to become a certified caregiver.

She wants to be equipped with the necessary skills and knowledge to provide the best care for her beloved husband.

A couple of days later, as Emily is out shopping for groceries, she passes by a bookstore, and a book titled “P ersonal Health Record (PHR) for Caregivers” catches her attention.

Intrigued, she buys a couple of copies and rushes home to show Tom. That evening, she prepares his favorite meal and surprises him with a candle-lit dinner.

Emily feels loved and appreciated after Tom returns the favor by giving her a birthday present.

After dinner, as they settle down to watch a movie, Emily takes out the PHR book and starts filling in important information about Tom’s medical history, medications, and doctors.

She realizes the importance of having all this information in one place for easy access in case of emergencies or medical appointments.

As the years pass, Tom’s health starts deteriorating, and he requires frequent hospital visits and medications. Emily becomes his primary caregiver, diligently managing his medications and medical records in the PHR book.

She understands the importance of keeping track of all his health information to ensure proper care and communication with healthcare professionals.

Despite the challenges they face, Emily and Tom’s love only grows stronger. Emily’s dedication to caring for Tom and ensuring his well-being is unwavering.

The PHR book becomes a valuable tool in their journey, providing them with the necessary information and support to navigate through Tom’s health challenges.

In the end, Emily’s proactive approach to caregiving and her commitment to keeping a detailed health record for Tom proves to be invaluable.

Their love and bond withstand the test of time and health issues, proving that true love knows no boundaries and can conquer any obstacles that come their way.

Disclaimer: This story/article contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase through these links, we may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support!

August 5, 2024